In case you missed it, the apocalypse is one of the biggest themes trending in Hollywood right now. We’ve watched our world fall to the mercy of zombie outbreaks, alien invasions, pandemics, even the rapture. And while every apocalyptic movie has been incredibly entertaining and fun to watch, they’ve also got me thinking…what if the world really did end?! If I ever found myself standing in the middle of some post-apocalyptic landscape, what would I do?
I’d probably start by thinking back to all my favourite apocalyptic films. Over the course of my adulthood, I’ve come to realize that Hollywood has slowly been preparing me for the end of the world for years. Now, as a graduate of Survival 101, I feel as though it’s my duty as The Synopsist to share my movie knowledge on the off-chance any of you find yourself squaring off against a horde of zombies, extraterrestrial visitors, or fatal global pandemics.
The Region’s Apocalyptic Movie Survival Guide
Watch List: The Walking Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, George A. Romero’s Dead series.
How to Survive:
- Aim for the head. Rule #1: destroy the brain. Anyone who has ever seen a zombie film before knows this. Get a gun, stock up on some bullets, and learn how to aim ASAP.
- Tool Up. Channel your inner squirrel and horde as many tools as possible: knives, axes, bats, shovels, sheers, etc. They are crucial for all of your post-apocalyptic survival needs. Guns are loud, require bullets, and can attract unwanted attention. While they’re necessary for destroying brains (braaaaaaiiinnnsss), tools such as these will serve as great substitutes against those flesh-hungry hordes.
- Become merciless. In a zombie apocalypse, it’s you against them (the Walkers/Roamers/Twitchers/Infected/Biters/Undead). Once someone is bitten or infected, they gotta go immediately! Empathy has no place in zombie world.
- Blend In. Play dead. Practice your zombie facial expressions, develop a slow, stumbling walk, and belt out some moans; you’ll fit right in. And lose that fresh “living” smell zombies find so appetizing! To achieve “eau de dead” you must first take out a zombie, roll around in the mess, and smell…dead. Those hungry zombies won’t find you all that appealing after that.
- Stay Quiet. Stealth is absolute key. Don’t fire your gun off recklessly, yell or scream, or make any fires. Remain low, quiet, and unseen. If these films have taught us anything, it’s that taking on one or two zombies at a time can be done, but taking on a horde is impossible.
Watch List: War of the Worlds, Independence Day, The Thing, Men in Black, Predator, Battle: Los Angeles.
How to Survive:
- Don’t Trust Anyone. We don’t know what aliens look like, nor what they’re capable of. Men in Black and The Thing have taught us that aliens could assimilate human beings, shape-shift, or even take on humans as a host! Beware of pugs too…
- Go BIG. If you find yourself in the midst of an interstellar war, you’re going to want to gather all the weapons you can find. Make sure you go BIG; a pistol or machete ain’t gonna cut it. I’m talking machine guns and flamethrowers. The bigger the better.
- Avoid Major Cities. Major cities are going to be the most prone to attacks. Gather all your food and supplies and create a home base on the outskirts of the city. From there, you can watch the attacks from a distance and then plan your next move. Suburbia has its perks, no?
- Destroy the Mothership. This always occurs at the end of the movie, but once you blow up their mothership (or whatever alien command module they have set up) those pesky aliens will retreat back to their ships and leave Earth for good.
- Avoid Crash Sites. If you find a large crater in the ground, be cautious. It may contain an alien craft carrying some unfriendly visitors. Think giant cockroach-like species, or even some nasty parasitic life forms. Stay away.
Watch List: The Crazies, 28 Days Later, I Am Legend.
How to Survive:
- Avoid Authorities. Containment is always the number one priority for any military or authority personnel, and they will do this by any means necessary.
- Quarantine Yourself. Fortify yourself in a remote location. Gather food and water and isolate yourself from everybody to avoid any possibility of contamination. Underground, or on a boat in the middle of the ocean sounds good.
- Wait it Out. Don’t be eager; be prepared to wait out the infection.
- Arm Yourself. There is absolutely no apocalyptic scenario where you should not be armed. During a global pandemic, people become desperate and violent, and you will want to take every measure possible to defend yourself.
- Keep a Radio. Keep vigil on radio broadcasts on a daily basis because you never know when a cure or safe haven will be announced.
Who knew Hollywood had been preparing us for the apocalypse all these years! Now, go watch these films and do your homework. We’ve got some surviving to do.
Want extra credit? Share your favourite apocalyptic movies below!
Feature image found here.